


Kittyshmirtz

by Lieju



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: M/M, Ocelot Heinz, shippy if you want it to be, thaks raax for proofreading, this is silly but then again considering what kinda stuff happened in the show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 15:56:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19890463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lieju/pseuds/Lieju
Summary: Doofenshmirtz grinned, giving Perry a good look at his sharp teeth. ”So, I thought to myself 'Heinz why can you never win? There must be something you're missing...' and realized the answer was a lack of animal instinct. Anyway, do you like it Perry the Platypus? I turned myself half ocelot!”





	Kittyshmirtz

”You must be _wondering_ why you haven't been trapped yet, Perry the Platypus...”

To be honest, the thought had crossed the agent's mind. He had walked into Doofenshmirtz's apartment, and then stopped, unopposed, wondering if the evil scientist was slacking off again.

Doofenshmirtz stepped out of the shadows. ”Hello,” he practically purred.

Perry stopped to gawk. His nemesis was still mostly a human apart from the cat ears and a tail. Perry stared.

”Do you _like_ it, Perry the Platypus?” Doofenshmirtz grinned, giving Perry a good look at his sharp teeth.

Perry suddenly got the feeling he maybe wasn't quite as human as it had first appeared.

Doofenshmirtz didn't stop to wait for an answer. ”So, I thought to myself ' _Heinz_ why can you never win? There must be something you're _missing_...' and realized I lack your animal instinct. Then I remembered I once turned myself into a platypus and that didn't _work_ and continued to talk to myself: 'Maybe I should turn myself into an animal-human hybrid? An apex predator at that? Human intelligence and opposable thumbs, combined with predator reflexes and instincts?' And I already had experience being an ocelot so, here we are.”

Perry gave a look at his hands. The evil scientist did have claws... Perry could feel the the hair at his back standing up at the sight.

”I had this whole _themed_ trap worked out too, but then at some point, after I was like this, I started to think that it would be fun actually to have you _run._ You know so I could chase you around for a bit.” Doofenshmirtz gave Perry a hungry look and Perry's animal instincts were very much screaming at him he was face-to-face with a predator.

Doofenshmirtz lifted up a finger that looked even longer now with the sharp claw. ”Wait a sec.”

He dropped the labcoat to the floor and kicked his shoes off. ”Ahh better. You know, it's nice to dress a bit more light. I'm not gonna fully follow your lead and go all _nudist_ , but clearly 'don't wear shoes' is an important part of this 'animal predatory' process-”

Usually at this point Perry would have interrupted Doofenshmirtz's ramble with a well-placed kick to the head. But a platypus was a small animal, and he was suddenly aware he was going to be hunted-

Perry ran.

”Hey!” Doofenshmirtz called.

Perry darted for the exit, hoping he would reach the door in time before the ocelot managed to catch him. Unfortunately Doofenshmitz leaped infront of the doorway. Perry scrambled to turn around and tried to find the nearest cover. Somewhere too small for a giant human cat to get through.

Perry felt something grab his tail before he managed to pull his grappling hook from his hat and shoot it at the rafters. He was lifted up just in time to avoid the sharp claws.

He dangled from the rope and turned to look down.

Doofenshmirtz watched him, transfixed, his tail twitching. He let out an odd sound, almost like chirping, before coughing.

”I _was_ right! There's something really really interesting about seeing you run as fast as you can on your tiny little platy-feet... And-” he licked his lips- ”This is _fun!_ ”

He didn't break eye-contact but crouched down, his butt wiggling a bit. Perry had seen enough cats stalking birds to know where this was heading. He started to climb.

Doofenshmirtz leaped.

Luckily for Perry he misjudged his jump and overshot, hitting the ceiling beam and falling onto the floor. He twirled around in the air and landed on all fours.

”I meant to do that! Did you see that Perry the Platypus? Landed on my feet!”

Perry ignored him and pulled himself up to relative safety. He hid in the shadows, ignoring Doofenshmirtz's disappointed growl.

Perry moved slowly, trying to think of his next step. Airvents... That was the best option...

It was quiet.

Too quiet.

Perry stood still. He held his breath. Doofenshmirtz was nothing if not chatty. Even when he had managed to turn himself invisible he had been easy to pinpoint. But now-

This wasn't like Doofenshmirtz at all.

First things first, he had to get some distance between himself and Doofenshmirtz-

Perry only noticed the human cat a fraction of a second before he hit him and sharp claws dug into Perry's fur.

He gasped as his back hit the floor. For a crucial moment air was knocked out of him and Doofenshmirtz managed to pin him securely to the floor.

”Got you~”

He leaned over Perry, and the agent froze.

He had never seen Doofenshmirtz like this and suddenly he wondered if this really _was_ Doofenshmirtz anymore. The look in those eyes was far from anything human. This was indeed an apex predator. And he was but a small platypus-

 _No. I'm an agent._ Perry reminded himself. He struggled. The claw moved to his neck, tracing the jugular.

Doofenshmirtz reached closer-

And licked Perry's face.

Perry stared at the ocelot, stunned.

Doofenshmirtz purred, rubbing his face on Perry's stomach. ”Mine~”

That was quite enough as far as Perry was concerned. He kicked Doofenshmirtz in the chin.

Doofenshmirtz let out a yowl and jumped back.

He hissed, his ears turning back. ”What was _that_ all about?”

Perry stared at him pouting. Perry allowed himself a sigh of relief. Of course it was still Doofenshmirtz. Perry pulled his agent hat off and reached inside.

Doofenshmirtz's ears perked up.

Perry pointed his weapon at him and pushed the button.

A beam shot from the laser-pointer. Doofenshmirtz stared at the red dot projected in front of him. His tail twitched.

Perry wiggled the laser pointer and Doofenshmirtz leaped at his prey.

”Ha!” He grinned.

Slowly, he lifted his hands. ”Hey?”

He turned to Perry. ”Hey did you take the dot? I had it right here!”

Perry clicked the laser pointer on again.

Doofenshmirtz pointed at the dot. ”There! Do you see it Perry the Platypus?” He tried to grasp it. ”Mine!”

He stared at the dot now on the back of his hand. ”Wait wait wait time out, how?”

Perry couldn't help letting out a giggle.

Doofenshmirtz turned to look at him. ”Rude!”

He sat down like a cat and frowned. ”I feel like I... Might have maybe added a bit too much 'animal instinct' into the mix. Hmmm. Not that I care about your _stupid_ red dot. Yes. Staring at this dirty spot on the wall is so much better.”

Perry grinned. He reached into his hat for the O.W.C.A. emergency feline rations.

He waved the bag.

Doofenshmirtz pretended not to care.

Perry watched Doofenshmirtz turn to look away. Perry rumbled the package. One of Doofenshmirtz's ears turned to his direction.

Perry opened the bag and offered the piece to Doofenshmirtz.

Doofenshmirtz stared at the piece offered to him on a small hand. He sniffed the air.

Perry clicked his tongue.

Doofenshmirtz reached to smell the treat. He purred and reached to bunt Perry again, ignoring the food.

Perry took a look at the bag. Ah yes.

Catnip.

Doofenshmirtz curled around Perry, purring contentedly. Perry relaxed. He patted his nemesis's head.

Eventually he found himself the target of an another tongue bath and resigned to his fate.

Maybe he had had it coming.

Besides, they had skipped the trapping part anyway.


End file.
